Grandma

Oh, taffeta, taffeta.
Wear it and they’ll laugh at ya.

This is a warning. Never wear taffeta,
In the early morning.
You will only wake everyone up.
They will call you a schmuck.
Especially if you are in your pajamas.

You should never wear taffeta before noon at a backyard party.
Splashing is sure to occur.
You don’t want to make other girls drool.
You don’t want ridicule at the pool.
You don’t want anyone saying you’re a fool.

Taffeta in the afternoon,
Has no style and will make a stir,
More like an alley cat than a kitten with a purr,
Whether you are rocking with a stocking on a chair,
Or swinging from a rafter, or a trapeze in the air,
Wearing white shoes before Easter or after Labor Day.
You still need to follow all of the rules.
You really should not stray. You should not go your own way.
Certainly not before tea.
Even if you have a lace handkerchief and gloves.
No one will be ready, no matter what color it is.

At 5 p.m. you can pour a drink,
But, I don’t think you can drink it until 6.
Taffeta is still not advised.
Wait until after sunset.
After twilight.
After moonrise.
After midnight.
Wait until everyone has had a drink.
Until you’ve had some time to think.
Until you’re sure that you’re in the pink.
With your taffeta a drumming,
And, your taffeta a humming,
Everyone will hear you coming.
Don’t let this phase you.
You know they’re gonna appraise you.
But, you are going to be the life of the party.
You had better be.
If not, you will just be so annoying.

Or, you could avoid the whole mess,
By just wearing a dress,
Of satin or silk, or, God forbid, velvet,
Which just means you’re a slut.
And, you don’t want to be that.
You want to be anything but.
You want to be cute and to make the cut.
You want to be the right size.
You want to win the first prize.
You want to learn how to flirt with your eyes.
To hurt with your eyes.
Just never try to be curt with your eyes.
You could tell them the truth,
But, they’ll still tell you lies.
Don’t show them your bareback,
Your ass or your thighs.
You should know what to do,
When you want a big rise.
Keep the best for the end.
It should be a surprise.

Its a game we are playing,
A game we all play.
That’s what my Grandma,
Would usually say,
At the end of the day,
When at night by the side,
Of the bed we would pray.
You can win in the end,
Is what she used to say,
And, you might make a friend,
If you’re willing to stay. And, you don’t go astray.
Whoopdee do! And, hooray,
Is what she’d always say,
You can win any night,
You can win any day,
If you know it’s a game,
And, you know how to play.

Written by V. Castellanos – April 15, 2020

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